Author: Marty The Pizza Guy…
-
Mourning the Untimely Death of My Flip Phone
Things we used to take for granted now have to be replaced far too often. Phones are no exception, as demonstrated by my old flip phone which finally started to have issues after 12 years of use. Your first thought is probably “why do I still have a flip phone”? I’ve had a couple of…
-
Pictures of the Moon
Even though it’s been flying over our heads for millions of years, our moon’s beauty is often missed. We often take for granted that another world is looming over us. Yes, it’s desolate, crater filled landscape and not the most scenic place in the universe, but our naked eyes can be deceiving. No matter how…
-
How Being Debt Free Hurts Your Credit
Most people think being debt free is good thing, but in reality it can actually hurt your credit score. Here are a few things I learned the hard way. It’s no secret credit card companies want your money. They make their money from you spending your money. Like most people, I had credit card debt.…
-
Random Things to Ponder…
Life can be silly. Sometimes it’s better not to ask questions, but maybe you have the answer to these random thoughts which cross my mind… In the word SCENT, which letter is silent? The S or the C ? If you replace the W with T in WHAT and WHERE and WHEN, you get the…
-
My Friends & Family Don’t Follow Me
Promoting yourself on social media is like selling Amway products or some multi-level marketing scheme. No one wants to hear about it. One of the best practices to promote yourself as a writer, artist or entertainer is to share your work with family and friends on social media, but how many of them actually look…
-
Mail Order Ice Cream: It’s a Real Thing
The internet is great for finding amazing shopping deals, but who knew you could buy ice cream online. Yes, ice cream. I’m not talking about Grubhub or an Uber Eats type online business. Nor am I referring to home grocery delivery delivery from your local store. I’m talking about real, cold, icey, creamy delicious, yummy…
-
How To Make People REALLY Mad on Facebook
Have you ever posted something online and gotten outrageous responses which made you upset, or read comments so stupid they made you laugh? I found a fun new way to make these annoying comment posters look stupid using their own words… I’m not a troll, but as a writer I do like to provoke reaction.…
-
Stupid Criminals & Creative Excuses
On July 31st, 2019, A female was arrested for theft in West Monroe, Louisiana. $6,233 and a clear plastic baggy containing meth were found hidden up in her private parts after being searched by jail staff. She allegedly claimed she didn’t know where it came from. Anyone who has ever watched the TV show “COPS”…
-
Who Needs Talent…
Have you seen the memes about things that require zero talent? I decided to post my top ten favorites, as they’re applicable to pretty much anything we do in life. The things on this list aren’t groundbreaking words of wisdom, but they’re things that many people aren’t willing to do. You have to give a…
-
Bring Back Achy Breaky Heart!
In 1992, the song “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus, was all over the radio. It reached #1 on the music charts in multiple countries before suddenly becoming one of the worst, most hated songs of all time. How does a popular song everyone loves because something no one ever wants to hear again?…
-
Dog Truths
For many humans, dogs are more than just pets, they’re family. There are some very important things dogs need you to understand when visiting a home where they rule the roost… Here are the top 5 things dogs wish they could say to house guests. If you don’t like dog hair, stay off the couch. To…
-
Eating Smart: What They Really Meant
If you’re on a diet, you can still eat pizza… Just eat 3 slices instead of 6! (Look at the Picture) Follow my blog for more great dieting tips like this and other amazing posts you didn’t know you needed in your life!
-
Pizza and Bad Math: A Losing Combo
When it comes to pizza, knowing the basics of math is critical to a happy life! We sometimes make irrational decisions when we’re hungry… I was in Costco, a store well known for saving money. In theory, saving money is the main reason people shop there. They also have a food court in the store…
-
42 Million Followers: HOW???
I recently saw a blogger with more than 42 MILLION followers. I didn’t know there were even 42 million people who know how to read. I’m not one who reads many books, but I do like reading blogs online. Most of the content I see is written by “average” people, but every once in a…
-
Who Doesn’t Love a Cute Puppy Picture
When your day is dragging or you’re feeling down, just look at pictures of cute puppies. How could you not be happy! Dogs Rock. Be Happy. Share this with someone you think needs a puppy hug.
-
When I go on Wheel of Fortune…
Game shows like “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” kick you off the show for getting an answer wrong, but on Wheel of Fortune, I’ll at least have a chance with my well thought out guesses… It’s going to be so much fun when I go on Wheel of Fortune, but I can’t help but…
-
Is There Ever A Bad Time For Pizza?
The answer is absolutely not! Any time is a good time for pizza. Is there a point to this post? Nope. It’s just a friendly reminder of the happiness pizza can bring. This has been a public service announcement brought you by Marty. Follow my blog for more great wisdom.
-
I’ve Never Watched Stranger Things…
Call me a social outcast, but I’ve never watched even one episode of “Stranger Things”, and I’m okay with that. While we’re discussing my obvious poor life choices, I’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thrones either. I’m okay with that too. Whenever I mention these amazing facts, people look at me like “whaaaaaaaaaaat?”…
-
Finding the Lost Faith in Humanity
Despite the fact that I’ve lost my faith in humanity, I’m actually trying to find it again. If there is any left still… Has humanity truly lost it’s way, or have I just lost my sense of positivity and hope? I can’t watch the news anymore. Partly because I can’t believe half of what they’re…
-
Writing Letters to Yourself
If you wrote a letter to your past, present or future self, what would it say? Would it be a positive message, or something negative? What would you say to your 17 year old self? What kind of advice or warnings would you tell yourself? What about your present self? If you were on the…
-
Have You Ever Met a Famous Blogger?
The world of writing is much different from other forms of art or entertainment. You may have lots of followers, but are you really “known” for your work? If you ran into me in a grocery store, would you know who I was? For that matter, would you recognize ANY of your favorite writers? Whatever…
-
Free Pizza For A Year
Winning the prize of your dreams would usually make someone excited and happy, but sometimes it can also disappoint in a big way. One of my well known traits is eating lots of pizza. It always has been, and God willing, it’ll continue to be for a long time to come. One of my hobbies…
-
Getting Married? Choose the BEST First Dance Song
The symbolic first dance at a wedding reception sets the musical tone for your new life together, but before you tell the DJ to play that special song, make sure it’s the right one. Perhaps the chorus of your favorite song has some words which resonate with your mushy feelings. Maybe “your” song was the…
-
If Dogs Could Talk…
If your dog could speak human words, what would they say? Here’s an interpretation of how a conversation might go with your dog. This post is adapted from a funny meme I saw recently: Dog: What Doing? Me: Nothing. I just stood up. Dog: Where Go? Me: I’m going to get a drink. Dog: Can…
-
Fresh, Hot Rolls: A Lost Art
There are cookie and donut bakeries. There are cupcake bakeries and there are bakeries in grocery stores, but “mom and pop” corner bakeries of days past where you could get fresh, hot bread and rolls are becoming a rarity. I love to eat fresh, hot rolls. On Saturday mornings when I was a kid, my…
-
An Open Letter to Publisher’s Clearing House…
This is an open letter to anyone at Publisher’s Clearing House regarding why I’ve not yet received any of my promised prize money. Do you know how many times I’ve sat at my window, watching for the prize patrol van to pull up at my house? One time I thought it was you, but it…
-
I’m a Social Outcast Because I Don’t Drink Coffee
Coffee has become such a staple of “normal” life, it’s almost like insulting someone’s mother to say you don’t drink it. But being that I’m far from “normal”, I’m okay with being an outcast. It happens all the time. At Work: “Oh my God, I need some coffee, come on, let’s go get some” Meeting…
-
A 4th of July Poem
Rose are Red, The Sky is Blue It’s the 4th of July. I need food. Here’s another one: It’s July fourth, fireworks go boom The air smells like gunpowder My yard smells like dog poo. Sorry, poems aren’t my thing. Regardless, have a safe & happy day. — Marty — _____________________________________________________________________________________________ If you’re not…
-
Dieting Truths: Pizza Meal Planning
In a time where trendy diets are the thing, my pizza only diet will make me famous. Pizza is all you need. True story. When you talk to people who are on diets, they’re always grumpy. Life is too short to be grumpy. If you follow this meal planning schedule, you’ll be happy: Monday: Pizza…
-
Left Behind: NASA’s New Mission
On June 27th, 2019, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced plans for a new mission called Dragonfly which will launch in 2026 to explore Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. The purpose of the mission is to probe the far away world, first in search of alien life, and to see if Titan could…
-
Mmm… Radioactive Pizza
If the world experienced another nuclear meltdown, how would the pizza taste? Inquiring minds want to know… “Just try it”, they said..”You’ll be fine”. “But, the pizza is glowing.” “Oh come on, man up. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” “Oh, alright. What’s the worst that could happen.” – Another oddity from the…
-
Who Thought Kidz Bop Was A Good Idea?
Kidz Bop is a musical nightmare, quite possibly thought up by Satan to torture those who walk the Earth. If you’re not familiar with Kidz Bop, be very grateful. Many parents don’t want their kids listening to pop music because of the inappropriate messages in the lyrics. Sometimes they may not the like the artist…
-
Pineapple on Pizza: Just Say NO!
Pineapple pizza is a danger to our way of life. It’s time to take a stand against this monster. Just Say NO! _________________________________________________________________________________ There are certain things in life you probably shouldn’t do: You shouldn’t use a lighter to remove nose hairs (that was a lesson learned). You shouldn’t lick door knobs in public bathrooms…
-
I’m Going To Nigeria
With so many Nigerian princes and banks trying to find Americans to share their unclaimed wealth and inheritance, I want to make it easier for them… Sending these unsolicited e-mails to millions of strangers seems like such a hassle for those writing them, but I have a plan to simplify the process. Whether it’s a…
-
Sail on the Titanic… In Missouri?
Branson, Missouri is well known for live music shows, entertainment, amusement parks and other fun family activities, but it’s also home to a unique, world class attraction – The Titanic Museum. When you think of the Titanic, you might think of the sinking ship or the blockbuster movie with Leonardo DeCaprio and Kate Winslet, but…
-
How NOT To Make Money Blogging
There are tons of articles out there on how you can get rich blogging. Everyone has advice on how to monetize, but there aren’t many articles telling how to NOT make money. Until now, that is. Writing is therapeutic for me and it’s fun. I enjoy watching my thoughts turn into words for others to…
-
Pizza Before Fast Food – ALWAYS
In a time where everyone is health conscious and on a budget, why would anyone eat anything other than pizza? As much as I like pizza, I’ll admit I do like assorted fast food also. Back in the day, I used to enjoy hitting up a value deal once in a while for lunch because…
-
OCR: Obsessive Compulsive Recycling
Recycling is generally good for everyone, but things can get interesting when obsessive compulsiveness is thrown into the mix. Like many other Americans, I recycle because it’s the right thing to do. I routinely recycle far more than what I put in my trash can. Does this make me special? Not really, but it’s how…
-
Why Are Homeless People Scary?
Human fears are sometimes driven by first impressions based solely on appearance. The homeless are often unfortunate victims of these invalidated perceptions. The motivation for me to write this article came after a woman recently called the police because she was afraid for the safety of children near a school when a homeless man was…
-
Where Do People Go At 4:45am?
I had the unfortunate pleasure of driving in nearly bumper to bumper traffic at 4:45 am. Yes, 4:45 AM. I’m not talking about Los Angeles, New York or Chicago where you have long commutes and outrageous traffic any time of day or night. I live in Kansas City, a mid-sized, average American town. It seems…