Tag: blog
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If Dogs Could Talk…
If your dog could speak human words, what would they say? Here’s an interpretation of how a conversation might go with your dog. This post is adapted from a funny meme I saw recently: Dog: What Doing? Me: Nothing. I just stood up. Dog: Where Go? Me: I’m going to get a drink. Dog: Can…
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Fresh, Hot Rolls: A Lost Art
There are cookie and donut bakeries. There are cupcake bakeries and there are bakeries in grocery stores, but “mom and pop” corner bakeries of days past where you could get fresh, hot bread and rolls are becoming a rarity. I love to eat fresh, hot rolls. On Saturday mornings when I was a kid, my…
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An Open Letter to Publisher’s Clearing House…
This is an open letter to anyone at Publisher’s Clearing House regarding why I’ve not yet received any of my promised prize money. Do you know how many times I’ve sat at my window, watching for the prize patrol van to pull up at my house? One time I thought it was you, but it…
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I’m a Social Outcast Because I Don’t Drink Coffee
Coffee has become such a staple of “normal” life, it’s almost like insulting someone’s mother to say you don’t drink it. But being that I’m far from “normal”, I’m okay with being an outcast. It happens all the time. At Work: “Oh my God, I need some coffee, come on, let’s go get some” Meeting…
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A 4th of July Poem
Rose are Red, The Sky is Blue It’s the 4th of July. I need food. Here’s another one: It’s July fourth, fireworks go boom The air smells like gunpowder My yard smells like dog poo. Sorry, poems aren’t my thing. Regardless, have a safe & happy day. — Marty — _____________________________________________________________________________________________ If you’re not…
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Dieting Truths: Pizza Meal Planning
In a time where trendy diets are the thing, my pizza only diet will make me famous. Pizza is all you need. True story. When you talk to people who are on diets, they’re always grumpy. Life is too short to be grumpy. If you follow this meal planning schedule, you’ll be happy: Monday: Pizza…
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Left Behind: NASA’s New Mission
On June 27th, 2019, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced plans for a new mission called Dragonfly which will launch in 2026 to explore Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. The purpose of the mission is to probe the far away world, first in search of alien life, and to see if Titan could…
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Mmm… Radioactive Pizza
If the world experienced another nuclear meltdown, how would the pizza taste? Inquiring minds want to know… “Just try it”, they said..”You’ll be fine”. “But, the pizza is glowing.” “Oh come on, man up. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” “Oh, alright. What’s the worst that could happen.” – Another oddity from the…
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Pineapple on Pizza: Just Say NO!
Pineapple pizza is a danger to our way of life. It’s time to take a stand against this monster. Just Say NO! _________________________________________________________________________________ There are certain things in life you probably shouldn’t do: You shouldn’t use a lighter to remove nose hairs (that was a lesson learned). You shouldn’t lick door knobs in public bathrooms…
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I’m Going To Nigeria
With so many Nigerian princes and banks trying to find Americans to share their unclaimed wealth and inheritance, I want to make it easier for them… Sending these unsolicited e-mails to millions of strangers seems like such a hassle for those writing them, but I have a plan to simplify the process. Whether it’s a…
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How NOT To Make Money Blogging
There are tons of articles out there on how you can get rich blogging. Everyone has advice on how to monetize, but there aren’t many articles telling how to NOT make money. Until now, that is. Writing is therapeutic for me and it’s fun. I enjoy watching my thoughts turn into words for others to…
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Pizza Before Fast Food – ALWAYS
In a time where everyone is health conscious and on a budget, why would anyone eat anything other than pizza? As much as I like pizza, I’ll admit I do like assorted fast food also. Back in the day, I used to enjoy hitting up a value deal once in a while for lunch because…
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OCR: Obsessive Compulsive Recycling
Recycling is generally good for everyone, but things can get interesting when obsessive compulsiveness is thrown into the mix. Like many other Americans, I recycle because it’s the right thing to do. I routinely recycle far more than what I put in my trash can. Does this make me special? Not really, but it’s how…
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Why Are Homeless People Scary?
Human fears are sometimes driven by first impressions based solely on appearance. The homeless are often unfortunate victims of these invalidated perceptions. The motivation for me to write this article came after a woman recently called the police because she was afraid for the safety of children near a school when a homeless man was…
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Where Do People Go At 4:45am?
I had the unfortunate pleasure of driving in nearly bumper to bumper traffic at 4:45 am. Yes, 4:45 AM. I’m not talking about Los Angeles, New York or Chicago where you have long commutes and outrageous traffic any time of day or night. I live in Kansas City, a mid-sized, average American town. It seems…
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Why I Don’t Read Political Posts
Opinions posted on social media are like people’s butt cracks. Everybody has one, but we don’t all need to see them.. I’ve been on Facebook for many years, but I was never one to post very often, especially rants. Nor was I ever an overly political person until the 2016 elections when America was so…
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How One Phone Call Changed Who I Am
We all like to think we know who are, but every once in a while something happens that changes the entire way you look at the world, and yourself. As a kid growing up, I really didn’t know much about my family heritage. I’d heard stories about my family history, but as a child you…
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Littering Makes Me Angry
I’ve never been a hippie, but I feel myself turning into one more and more each day. It’s not because I believe in peace and free love, but rather because of people who are too lazy to use a trash can. Maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration to say I’m turning into into a…
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Humans are a Planetary Virus…
Humans don’t have a very good track record when it comes to colonization. The thought of corrupting a new planet is disturbing. I was reading an article recently about humans colonizing the planet Mars. It really bothered me thinking about the motivation behind this interplanetary expansion… Depending how you look at it, colonizing Mars could…
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I’m offended that you’re offended…
In a time where everyone is offended by everything, I’ve decided I’m offended by others being offended… Political correctness really bothers me. I don’t like being told what I’m allowed (or not allowed) to think. It’s not because I’m a rebel, nor is it because I’m a writer, but because I’m human. Whether its politics,…
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Living as a Frugal Cheapskate
When you live paycheck to paycheck, living cheap is the only way to survive. Sometimes you have to get creative, but it’s not hard to do! There is no way around the fact that I’m poor. I have a job, but life has an odd way of seeing to it that I never get ahead.…
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Were You Alive in 2001?
This may sound like a weird question, but nearly a quarter of our population wasn’t even born in 2001. As we near the 17th anniversary of the September 11th attacks, I was writing an article about how different things are now compared to the year 2001. I was discussing how those who are high school…
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Pizza: The Key to Happiness
People always say “find your happy.” For some, this is sometimes difficult, but for me all I had to do was look at what was often right in front of me. I need pizza. This may sound like something we’ve all said at some point in our lives, but for me it goes beyond a…
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What Is Your Life Worth?
Finding perspective and appreciating what you have will help you realize the true worth of your life… Imagine yourself in a courtroom. You’re on the stand being questioned by a prosecutor; not because you’ve committed a crime, but because you’re defending the life you’ve lived. This sounds like the premise of a fantasy novel or…
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Lessons From the Homeless
I spent some time watching homeless people as they solicited donations on a busy street. What I found was not anything I would have expected. While it may not seem like a terribly exciting thing to do, it actually made me do some self-reflection about life, work and the daily drag we call our lives.…
Words with Pizza - Featuring Marty the Pizza Guy 