Tag: funny
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Holiday Shopping: Tis the Season For Chaos
Behold: the holidays, when ordinary humans become unhinged treasure hunters of truly mediocre items. Every December, humanity collectively forgets that the items we are wrestling strangers for—fuzzy socks, boxed chocolates, personal hygiene box sets, and oddly scented candles, are typically available every single day of the year. Suddenly, a mug that says “Warm Wishes” becomes…
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The Probably True Story of Thanksgiving
Despite other stories you may have heard about the origins of this holiday, I think this may be what actually happened. The Pilgrims had a plan. A simple one, really: sail straight, land somewhere promising, start a new life. Unfortunately, “sail straight” turned out to be a lot harder than anyone expected, especially when half…
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Some Funny Memes…
I often feel old, but when I see memes like these I definitely feel like a dinosaur! Unfortunately, these references about Generation X are quite true. This image truly reflects the comment, “If You Know, You Know.” The rules were simple. Destroy the other players. Especially the ones that wore glasses or had something weird…
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A Monkey, A Horse, and Pineapple Pizza
What the monkey considers business, the horse considers play… If there’s one topic that divides humanity more than politics or whether to fold your slice or eat with a fork, it’s pineapple on pizza. To some people, pizza is sacred — a serious, sauce-and-cheese-only ritual based on tried and true tradition that must be protected…
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Motivational Thoughts
Take these statements to heart – They just might make your day better! Follow Me For More Great Wisdom Like This!
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The Joys of Walmart
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller That quote is from the end of the classic 1986 movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, starring Mathew Broderick. The quote is very true, especially when shopping at Walmart. I was shopping in one…
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What Pizza Toppings Say About Your Personality
What you put on your pizza has a direct connection to your personality… Preface: This post is based on highly relevant, peer reviewed, deeply researched psychological data. By highly relevant I mean I think it’s important. Peer reviewed means by the three of us (Me, Myself, and I). Deeply researched means I listen to the…
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Too Many Projects, Not Enough Time
Big things are afoot here in Martyland! I’m in the midst of exciting changes. Not just my socks and underwear (I’m overdue for both), but the entire world of my multi-media empire. What an amazing time we’re living in! Just like President Trump did with Elon Musk and DOGE, I had to do a top…
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The Quest for the Legendary Pizza
This story is not just about discovering the perfect topping; it’s about uncovering the ingredients of adventure, friendship, and life itself. In the magical kingdom of Flavoria, where the skies shimmered with the colors of spices and rivers flowed with creamy sauces, there existed a legendary pizza known as the “Crown of Cheeses.” This mystical…
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Thanksgiving Pie
Everyone loves a pie on Thanksgiving, but over the years this has been greatly misunderstood. Pumpkin Pie or Apple Pie might be good for some, but what they meant to say was you’re supposed to eat a PIZZA pie. The day is about giving thanks, and we should all be thankful for pizza (I know…
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Halloween Pizza Magic
Once upon a time in a small town not far from the city, Halloween night arrived with more than just ghosts and goblins roaming the streets. The local pizzeria was having a Halloween pizza party that was in full swing, but unbeknownst to the restaurant owner, one of his employees was a witch! The unknown…
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More Pizza Stories
Once upon a time in a sleepy little city not far away, there lived a ninja named Hiroshi, who was known for his incredible stealth and agility. One evening, drawn by the irresistible aroma wafting through the streets, Hiroshi found himself outside the town’s newest pizza joint, “Slice.” He could practically taste the gooey mozzarella…
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You Need a Good Laugh
Here are a few random funnies to get you through your day… Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award? A. Because he was outstanding in his field! Q. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? A. They don’t have the guts! Q. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? A. He just needed a little…
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Some “Cheesy” Humor
We all need a little laugh now and then, so here are a few “cheesy” pizza jokes that will hopefully make you smile. Q. Why did the pizza maker go broke? A. Because he wasn’t making enough dough. Q. What do you call it when a tired dad makes pizza? Papa Yawns Pizza Q. How…
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Political Shenanigans
While I am a strong advocate of democracy, election season is my least favorite time of year primarily due to the over abundance of political ads. But, the bright side to this is the ads are getting more and more entertaining. Election season is that wonderful time where television commercials and social media feed transform…
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A Fun Fairy Tale
Rather than a pizza story, I thought I’d mix it up with a classic fairy tale rhyme: In a land where the dough trees sway,And the cheese clouds dance in the sun’s bright ray,Lived a jolly old chef with a twinkle in his eye,Who dreamed of a pizza that could soar in the sky. With…
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A Slice of Medieval Madness (Pizza Stories #1)
A story inspired by the greatness of pizza… Once upon a time in the quaint and quirky kingdom of Cheezonia, where the rivers flowed with molten mozzarella cheese and the trees grew pepperoni instead of fruit, the people were obsessed with one dish above all else: pizza. This delectable creation had sparked a peculiar yet…
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Don’t Invite Pizza Eating Rats Into Your House
When a pizza restaurant has a rat as a mascot, you should probably be concerned. When they want to send the rat to your house with a pizza, you should probably be more concerned. The national franchise featuring the rat is Chuck E. Cheese, a place popular with little kids who have not yet developed…
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Happy New Year!
Here’s to another successful circumnavigation of the sun! I normally post a pessimistic article on January 1st each year about how nothing really changes as the new year begins, but not this year! I’m going to start the year out on a positive note. This year, I want to point out that something DID change……
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I Found My True Calling In Life
I’ve decided I want to be a professional Duck Duck Goose player… Let’s face it, there are lots of really stupid sports in the world. In many of these “sports”, the participants call themselves “athletes”, even there is little or no athleticism involved. You can now earn a college scholarship for being an “e-athlete”, playing…
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A Sad Holiday Pizza Story
What would you put up with to get a free pizza? I had a coupon for a national pizza chain that I don’t usually eat at. I generally avoid the national chains because the pizza is not that good, but the coupon I had was for a free pizza. While the pizza may not be…
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Spider-Man Was A Lie
What happens in the movies is quite different from what happens in reality, especially when it comes to getting bit by a dangerous spider. In the continuing saga of never ending shenanigans I call my life, I had the honor of getting bit by a spider. While this does not seem like something to be…
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The Sun is Smiling On Us!
Kids love to draw pictures of the sun with a big smile. NASA has proof now the sun really does smile on it’s face! This picture is too good not to share with the world. In October of 2022, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) captured this unique photo of the sun with it’s…
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Have Fun With Phone Scammers
Quite often when your phone rings, it’s not someone you know. It’s an automated “robo” call telling you it’s time to renew your car warranty, or an offer to lower your student loan rate. Most people are annoyed by these calls, but they can be quite fun if you’re bored. Every day, millions of these…
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The Sad Truth About Statistics
When we think about “acceptable” numbers in our lives, life can be pretty scary. In a perfect world, 100% of something would provide assurance. If we board an airplane, we’d like to know 100% of the parts work. We’d like to know 100% of the passengers have been checked for weapons. We’d like to think…
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Common Sense, or Not…
I went in to a fast food restaurant to get a drink. I only ordered a fountain drink. Just a cup of soda, which I’d have to fill myself at the self-service dispenser. The teen-age cashier hands me a cup and lid, then asks, “Is this for here or to go?” I said, “It’s a…
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I Got a Cheese Slicer From Tajikistan
Every once in a while, I get random things delivered to my house that I did not order. Some people might find this annoying, but I find it entertaining. I routinely get mail delivered to my house that is not addressed to me. This type of mail is an understandable mistake because people lived in…
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The Internet Wouldn’t Lie
There are times in life when you know you’re right… You’re sitting around with your friends having an argument about something pointless and stupid. At some point in the conversation, someone says, “Dude, you’re wrong.” Determined to prove you’re right, you proclaim, “It’s on the internet. I’ll prove it!” Despite the fact there may be…
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Life Ruined: Gummy Bears Are NOT a Fruit
Sometimes things happen in life that are so disturbing your entire existence is altered. This was one of those times. Shortly after Christmas, I was looking for bargains on the clearance rack in a store. To my surprise, I found a package of name brand Christmas gummy bears, for 75% off. This was no ordinary…
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Really Stupid Research Studies
Some researchers have way too much time on their hands, as shown by some of the studies referenced here. A major TV news outlet recently ran a story reporting findings which showed the number of school shootings are down tremendously in 2020, with the largest drop occurring in April. Umm, could that be because most…
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No News Is Good News
I want you to read to my posts as a good distraction. I feel bad I’ve contributed to the “news” we don’t want to be depressed with. I usually write about ridiculous things that happen in my life, but being quarantined has basically shut me off from the stupid people of the world. Maybe that’s…
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Online Dating is Like Used Car Shopping
They might look good in the pictures, but you know there is probably something wrong with them. The malfunction may not be apparent at first, but over time, something is bound to go wrong. You’ve been looking around for a while, trying to find what’s right for you. You know what you want, and what…
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Stupid Things People Do: Pet Peeve #83
Human nature intrigues me. It also annoys me because I tend to notice things other people don’t. Sometimes it’s a good thing, other times not. I’ve been told I’m overly critical of people, but I’m really not. I’m just observant Referring to this week’s pet peeve, it involves shopping. As I push my shopping cart…
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I Need a Sign to Ban Election Signs!
Election season is almost upon us. This means all the “vote for me” signs are popping up like weeds in yards of homes and on street corners. To be blunt, I don’t care who you plan to vote for… There are two things in life everyone should keep to themselves: Politics and religion. Yes, I…
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Mourning the Untimely Death of My Flip Phone
Things we used to take for granted now have to be replaced far too often. Phones are no exception, as demonstrated by my old flip phone which finally started to have issues after 12 years of use. Your first thought is probably “why do I still have a flip phone”? I’ve had a couple of…
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Random Things to Ponder…
Life can be silly. Sometimes it’s better not to ask questions, but maybe you have the answer to these random thoughts which cross my mind… In the word SCENT, which letter is silent? The S or the C ? If you replace the W with T in WHAT and WHERE and WHEN, you get the…
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How To Make People REALLY Mad on Facebook
Have you ever posted something online and gotten outrageous responses which made you upset, or read comments so stupid they made you laugh? I found a fun new way to make these annoying comment posters look stupid using their own words… I’m not a troll, but as a writer I do like to provoke reaction.…
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Stupid Criminals & Creative Excuses
On July 31st, 2019, A female was arrested for theft in West Monroe, Louisiana. $6,233 and a clear plastic baggy containing meth were found hidden up in her private parts after being searched by jail staff. She allegedly claimed she didn’t know where it came from. Anyone who has ever watched the TV show “COPS”…
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Bring Back Achy Breaky Heart!
In 1992, the song “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus, was all over the radio. It reached #1 on the music charts in multiple countries before suddenly becoming one of the worst, most hated songs of all time. How does a popular song everyone loves because something no one ever wants to hear again?…
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Dog Truths
For many humans, dogs are more than just pets, they’re family. There are some very important things dogs need you to understand when visiting a home where they rule the roost… Here are the top 5 things dogs wish they could say to house guests. If you don’t like dog hair, stay off the couch. To…
Words with Pizza - Featuring Marty the Pizza Guy 