If your dog could speak human words, what would they say? Here’s an interpretation of how a conversation might go with your dog.
This post is adapted from a funny meme I saw recently:
Dog: What Doing?
Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
Dog: Where Go?
Me: I’m going to get a drink.
Dog: Can I Come?
Me: I’m not really going anywhere, but sure.
Dog: I Come Too. What Doing?
Me: I’m opening the refrigerator door.
Dog: I Help.
Me: Thank you, but you’re blocking the door.
Dog: Sorry. I Just Helping.
Me: Can you move please?
Dog: Did You Say Food? I Like Food.
Me: No, I didn’t say food. I’m getting a drink.
Dog: Did You Hear That?
Me: What?
Dog: Car Drove By. I Protected You. I Get Treat?
Me: Um, sure (tosses treat).
Dog: I Love You.
Me: I Love You Too.
Dog: I Go Outside?
Me: You just came in.
Dog: I Need Go Pee. And I Think Squirrel Is Back.
(puts Dog outside)
30 seconds later…
Dog: I Come In?
Me: Make up your mind…
Dog: I Come In.
Dog: What Doing?
(Cycle Repeats)
When I imagine how my dog would sound, I always think he’d sound like a silly cartoon character, but what if it was the opposite? What if our dogs were well spoken intellectuals?
Dog: For where are you going sir?
Me: I need a drink.
Dog: Did you not just remove yourself from this location recently?
Me: Um, yeah, but I’m thirsty.
Dog: Perhaps I’ll follow you to witness what exactly it is you’re doing.
Me: I’m just going over there.
Dog: I believe I’ll escort you to said location.
Me: Okay.
Dog: I’ll just stand here in front of you until your activity is completed.
Me: You’re in the way. Can you move?
Dog: I hope you’ll please pardon my indiscretion.
Me: Um, sure.
Dog: I do believe I just overheard a sound which was concerning.
Me: What?
Dog: I do believe I just ensured your safety with my attentiveness. I would greatly appreciate being compensated with a delicious item of indulgence for doing so.
Me: Um, okay (tosses treat).
Dog: My feelings for you are strong. I very much enjoy our relationship.
Me: I Love You Too.
Dog: Thank you kind sir. Will you now allow me the opportunity to relieve myself outside of our residence?
Me: Sure
(let’s dog out)
30 seconds later…
Dog: Pardon me sir, may I re-enter the residence?
Me: Make up your mind.
Dog: I have decided my time would better spent inside near you.
Or at least I think it’d go a little something like that…
What do you think your dog would say to you?
This has been another random thought from the mind of Marty
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Words with Pizza - Featuring Marty the Pizza Guy 
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