Spider-Man Was A Lie

What happens in the movies is quite different from what happens in reality, especially when it comes to getting bit by a dangerous spider.

In the continuing saga of never ending shenanigans I call my life, I had the honor of getting bit by a spider. While this does not seem like something to be too worried about, it was.

It happened while I was asleep. I woke up to find a small pimple like bite in the center of my chest. I ignored it at first, but within a day or two, ignoring it was something I could no longer do. Not only did it grow, but it also became quite a disgusting oozing mess. After about a week, it looked like I had been shot, and it felt like it too. What started as a tiny bump had grown into a literal gaping hole in my chest.

Rather than going to a doctor, I did what every sensible adult does. I researched my wound on the internet. I compared pictures of other unlucky souls with similar arachnid injuries to my own. I found what I was experiencing was not uncommon. Based on my symptoms and the gore I found, it appeared I had been bitten by a brown recluse. It’s just my luck that I can get bitten by one of the most dangerous spiders out there, but I can’t seem to win the lottery. Go figure.

This is where my complaint about Hollywood comes in to play…

Spider-Man is a very misleading movie. Granted, a brown recluse is not radioactive, but I was hoping to acquire some sort of super power because of my bite. I tried shooting webs and attempted to climb a wall or two. Neither worked. I had just gotten new glasses that week, so I hoped maybe I wouldn’t need them anymore because my vision would miraculously be cured by the spider DNA.

Nope.

It doesn’t so much bother me that I got bit, but I will admit was pretty let down the super powers haven’t yet developed. I thought maybe if I made a cool super hero outfit to wear it would help, but I’m not very good at sewing so that idea was out. Regardless, this was the second time in my life where I was bitten by a spider which resulted in a serious wound. Unfortunately, I had no positive side effects from the previous bite either. All I was left with was a scar.

After two weeks there was still remnants of the bite, but it was healing at least, and it was sure to leave another memorable scar. Looking back, I probably should have went to a doctor, but I was genuinely curious to see just how bad the wound would get.

Even though it hasn’t happened yet, I’m going to keep trying to figure out my super power. It could be something Hollywood has not though of yet. I just hope my power isn’t the ability to attract more spiders. While it would be flattering to be attractive to spiders, that would be bad.

I was going to say I’ll keep you posted if I figure out what my power is, but I probably won’t. Peter Parker didn’t reveal his secret, so I probably shouldn’t either.

~ Marty ~