What you put on your pizza has a direct connection to your personality…
Preface: This post is based on highly relevant, peer reviewed, deeply researched psychological data. By highly relevant I mean I think it’s important. Peer reviewed means by the three of us (Me, Myself, and I). Deeply researched means I listen to the random things that pop into my head each day.
Knowing that up front, here we go.
🍕 Cheese (a.k.a. “The Classic”)
Vibe: You hate confrontation and you enjoy the simple things in life.
You’re the human equivalent of an IKEA instruction manual: helpful, dependable, and slightly confusing in certain lighting. You probably text “let me know you got home safe” to everyone — including Uber drivers. You also probably correct people’s grammar in group chats. And we love you for it. Sort of.
🍕 Pepperoni (a.k.a. “The Crowd-Pleaser”)
Personality Vibe: Bold, charming, slightly chaotic.
Pepperoni people are the golden retrievers of the pizza world. Loud, loyal, and always down to party. You walk into a room and someone’s already offered you a drink and an unsolicited compliment. You once promised to “eat clean” for a month but blacked out near a Domino’s.
🍕 Sausage
Personality Vibe: Strong opinions, probably uses the phrase “alpha energy” unironically.
You are either:
- A Midwesterner who believes sausage is a lifestyle, not a topping.
- Or someone who once fought a barista about the meaning of “dry cappuccino.”
You say things like, “I like a pizza with substance.” You think pineapple is an insult to pizza, and honestly, you’re still not over that one coworker who once ordered it for the office pizza party. You remember. You ALWAYS remember the injustice.
🍕 Mushrooms (a.k.a. “The Woodland Therapist”)
Vibe: You question the meaning of life. You meditate. You sigh thoughtfully a lot.
You’re a chill nature-loving introvert who talks to trees “just to see what they have to say.”You say things like, “I just feel like mushrooms bring umami to my emotional landscape.” No one knows what that means, but we nod anyway because you showed with pizza.
🍕 Beef (a.k.a. “The Lumberjack in a Suburban Body”)
Vibe: Big “I grill in the snow” energy.
You want your pizza to have gravity. You respect a topping that sticks to its convictions. You call people “bud” even when you’re furious. You’ve definitely yelled “I’ll build it myself!” before consulting a single instruction.
🍕 Green Peppers (a.k.a. “The Overthinker”)
Vibe: Spiraling since 2009.
You add veggies to pizza like it’s an apology to your body. You’re a walking contradiction: double cheese and bell peppers. You’re the person who says, “I just feel better when I’m hydrated,” and then drinks nothing but cold brew until 8 p.m.
You once made a pro/con list about whether to go to breakfast, brunch, or lunch. It had 79 bullet points.
🍕 Black Olives (a.k.a. “The Villain Arc”)
Vibe: Mysterious, polarizing, probably owns at least one leather jacket.
You put black olives on pizza not because you love them, but because you need people to know you’re different. You’re that friend who disappears for a month, then reappears at a full moon party with “new energy” and 11 houseplants. You’ve considered starting a podcast about obscure folklore and cults. Honestly, we’d listen.
🍕 Pineapple (a.k.a. “The Rebel with Sauce-Stained Jeans”)
Vibe: You eat drama for breakfast and dessert.
You put pineapple on pizza knowing full well it causes emotional rifts with families and friendships. You’re the kind of person who hits “reply all” on purpose. You’ve definitely said “Let’s just vibe and see what happens” before ending up in a third world country prison. You thrive on chaos, caffeine, and the tears of pizza eating purists.
🍕 Anchovies (a.k.a. “The Dark Academic of Pizza”)
Vibe: Sharp, salty, and possibly legally a wizard.
You’re not just “into anchovies.” You evangelize them. You have opinions. You’ve started sentences with “In postmodern culinary theory…” and you’re not sorry. Your favorite movie is something French, black-and-white, and soul-crushing. You routinely read philosophy books — out loud. To strangers. Possibly even at a pizza place.
🍕 Bacon (a.k.a. “The Flavor Maximalist”)
Vibe: Zero chill. All flavor. Always yelling “YOLO” unironically.
You want life to hit hard and fast. You once ate a breakfast burrito so intense it gave you an existential crisis. You see a pizza and think, “What if it had more meat and grease and a minor heart risk?” You’re passionate, fiery, and definitely the person who double-texts “on accident.”
🍕 Spinach (a.k.a. “The Health Nut in Denial”)
Vibe: Balanced. Controlled. Spiraling silently.
You order spinach on pizza to convince yourself this counts as a salad. You do yoga once a month, mostly to justify the bag of cookies you eat after. You say things like “I just need to detox” while sipping wine from a glitter cup that says “Mommy’s Happy Juice.” You’re holding it together. Barely. With cheese.
Final Slice of Wisdom:
You are what you eat, and some of you are clearly a walking red flag wrapped in crust. That said, pizza — like people — comes in many varieties. Some sweet. Some spicy. Some deeply unhinged with anchovies and pineapple and something called “drizzle.” Whatever your topping of choice, embrace it. Own your flavor. Be your best saucy self.
As long as you’re eating pizza in some form, life is good.
🙂
~ Marty ~
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Words with Pizza - Featuring Marty the Pizza Guy 
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