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The Real Reason Aliens Visit Earth: Pizza
If your planet isn’t in the pizza delivery zone, what would you do??? In 2001, Pizza Hut became the first restaurant to deliver pizza into space when they sent pizza by rocket to the residents of the International Space Station who were orbiting Earth. If I was the astronaut who opened the hatch when it…
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I’ve Never Watched Stranger Things…
Call me a social outcast, but I’ve never watched even one episode of “Stranger Things”, and I’m okay with that. While we’re discussing my obvious poor life choices, I’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thrones either. I’m okay with that too. Whenever I mention these amazing facts, people look at me like “whaaaaaaaaaaat?”…
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Finding the Lost Faith in Humanity
Despite the fact that I’ve lost my faith in humanity, I’m actually trying to find it again. If there is any left still… Has humanity truly lost it’s way, or have I just lost my sense of positivity and hope? I can’t watch the news anymore. Partly because I can’t believe half of what they’re…
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Writing Letters to Yourself
If you wrote a letter to your past, present or future self, what would it say? Would it be a positive message, or something negative? What would you say to your 17 year old self? What kind of advice or warnings would you tell yourself? What about your present self? If you were on the…
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Have You Ever Met a Famous Blogger?
The world of writing is much different from other forms of art or entertainment. You may have lots of followers, but are you really “known” for your work? If you ran into me in a grocery store, would you know who I was? For that matter, would you recognize ANY of your favorite writers? Whatever…
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Free Pizza For A Year
Winning the prize of your dreams would usually make someone excited and happy, but sometimes it can also disappoint in a big way. One of my well known traits is eating lots of pizza. It always has been, and God willing, it’ll continue to be for a long time to come. One of my hobbies…
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Getting Married? Choose the BEST First Dance Song
The symbolic first dance at a wedding reception sets the musical tone for your new life together, but before you tell the DJ to play that special song, make sure it’s the right one. Perhaps the chorus of your favorite song has some words which resonate with your mushy feelings. Maybe “your” song was the…
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If Dogs Could Talk…
If your dog could speak human words, what would they say? Here’s an interpretation of how a conversation might go with your dog. This post is adapted from a funny meme I saw recently: Dog: What Doing? Me: Nothing. I just stood up. Dog: Where Go? Me: I’m going to get a drink. Dog: Can…
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Fresh, Hot Rolls: A Lost Art
There are cookie and donut bakeries. There are cupcake bakeries and there are bakeries in grocery stores, but “mom and pop” corner bakeries of days past where you could get fresh, hot bread and rolls are becoming a rarity. I love to eat fresh, hot rolls. On Saturday mornings when I was a kid, my…
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An Open Letter to Publisher’s Clearing House…
This is an open letter to anyone at Publisher’s Clearing House regarding why I’ve not yet received any of my promised prize money. Do you know how many times I’ve sat at my window, watching for the prize patrol van to pull up at my house? One time I thought it was you, but it…
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I’m a Social Outcast Because I Don’t Drink Coffee
Coffee has become such a staple of “normal” life, it’s almost like insulting someone’s mother to say you don’t drink it. But being that I’m far from “normal”, I’m okay with being an outcast. It happens all the time. At Work: “Oh my God, I need some coffee, come on, let’s go get some” Meeting…
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A 4th of July Poem
Rose are Red, The Sky is Blue It’s the 4th of July. I need food. Here’s another one: It’s July fourth, fireworks go boom The air smells like gunpowder My yard smells like dog poo. Sorry, poems aren’t my thing. Regardless, have a safe & happy day. — Marty — _____________________________________________________________________________________________ If you’re not…
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Dieting Truths: Pizza Meal Planning
In a time where trendy diets are the thing, my pizza only diet will make me famous. Pizza is all you need. True story. When you talk to people who are on diets, they’re always grumpy. Life is too short to be grumpy. If you follow this meal planning schedule, you’ll be happy: Monday: Pizza…
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Left Behind: NASA’s New Mission
On June 27th, 2019, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced plans for a new mission called Dragonfly which will launch in 2026 to explore Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. The purpose of the mission is to probe the far away world, first in search of alien life, and to see if Titan could…
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Mmm… Radioactive Pizza
If the world experienced another nuclear meltdown, how would the pizza taste? Inquiring minds want to know… “Just try it”, they said..”You’ll be fine”. “But, the pizza is glowing.” “Oh come on, man up. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” “Oh, alright. What’s the worst that could happen.” – Another oddity from the…
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Who Thought Kidz Bop Was A Good Idea?
Kidz Bop is a musical nightmare, quite possibly thought up by Satan to torture those who walk the Earth. If you’re not familiar with Kidz Bop, be very grateful. Many parents don’t want their kids listening to pop music because of the inappropriate messages in the lyrics. Sometimes they may not the like the artist…
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Pineapple on Pizza: Just Say NO!
Pineapple pizza is a danger to our way of life. It’s time to take a stand against this monster. Just Say NO! _________________________________________________________________________________ There are certain things in life you probably shouldn’t do: You shouldn’t use a lighter to remove nose hairs (that was a lesson learned). You shouldn’t lick door knobs in public bathrooms…
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I’m Going To Nigeria
With so many Nigerian princes and banks trying to find Americans to share their unclaimed wealth and inheritance, I want to make it easier for them… Sending these unsolicited e-mails to millions of strangers seems like such a hassle for those writing them, but I have a plan to simplify the process. Whether it’s a…
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Sail on the Titanic… In Missouri?
Branson, Missouri is well known for live music shows, entertainment, amusement parks and other fun family activities, but it’s also home to a unique, world class attraction – The Titanic Museum. When you think of the Titanic, you might think of the sinking ship or the blockbuster movie with Leonardo DeCaprio and Kate Winslet, but…
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How NOT To Make Money Blogging
There are tons of articles out there on how you can get rich blogging. Everyone has advice on how to monetize, but there aren’t many articles telling how to NOT make money. Until now, that is. Writing is therapeutic for me and it’s fun. I enjoy watching my thoughts turn into words for others to…
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Pizza Before Fast Food – ALWAYS
In a time where everyone is health conscious and on a budget, why would anyone eat anything other than pizza? As much as I like pizza, I’ll admit I do like assorted fast food also. Back in the day, I used to enjoy hitting up a value deal once in a while for lunch because…
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OCR: Obsessive Compulsive Recycling
Recycling is generally good for everyone, but things can get interesting when obsessive compulsiveness is thrown into the mix. Like many other Americans, I recycle because it’s the right thing to do. I routinely recycle far more than what I put in my trash can. Does this make me special? Not really, but it’s how…
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Why Are Homeless People Scary?
Human fears are sometimes driven by first impressions based solely on appearance. The homeless are often unfortunate victims of these invalidated perceptions. The motivation for me to write this article came after a woman recently called the police because she was afraid for the safety of children near a school when a homeless man was…
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Where Do People Go At 4:45am?
I had the unfortunate pleasure of driving in nearly bumper to bumper traffic at 4:45 am. Yes, 4:45 AM. I’m not talking about Los Angeles, New York or Chicago where you have long commutes and outrageous traffic any time of day or night. I live in Kansas City, a mid-sized, average American town. It seems…
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Why I Don’t Read Political Posts
Opinions posted on social media are like people’s butt cracks. Everybody has one, but we don’t all need to see them.. I’ve been on Facebook for many years, but I was never one to post very often, especially rants. Nor was I ever an overly political person until the 2016 elections when America was so…
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How One Phone Call Changed Who I Am
We all like to think we know who are, but every once in a while something happens that changes the entire way you look at the world, and yourself. As a kid growing up, I really didn’t know much about my family heritage. I’d heard stories about my family history, but as a child you…
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Littering Makes Me Angry
I’ve never been a hippie, but I feel myself turning into one more and more each day. It’s not because I believe in peace and free love, but rather because of people who are too lazy to use a trash can. Maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration to say I’m turning into into a…
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Procrastination and Useless Facts
Time is a valuable thing, yet we continually waste it. When it’s gone, it’s gone and we’ll never get it back. If we know the resources of time are limited, why do we care so little about it? _____________________________________________________________________________________ I learned the word cereal is derived from the name of Ceres, the goddess of agriculture,…
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Surviving Without Electricity…
I often write and speak about disaster preparedness and emergency planning, but I unfortunately had to practice what I preach after my house was blasted by a major winter storm recently. It was a lovely January morning in Kansas… I was happy and comfortable in my nice warm house, looking out the window at the…
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Humans are a Planetary Virus…
Humans don’t have a very good track record when it comes to colonization. The thought of corrupting a new planet is disturbing. I was reading an article recently about humans colonizing the planet Mars. It really bothered me thinking about the motivation behind this interplanetary expansion… Depending how you look at it, colonizing Mars could…
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The Annual Fight for Optimism
My New Year’s resolution has always been to NOT make resolutions. This year will be no different. Every year on December 31st, I shake my head in disgust, asking myself how I’ve wasted another year of my life. I wonder if the new year ahead is going to be better than the last. On January…
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I’m offended that you’re offended…
In a time where everyone is offended by everything, I’ve decided I’m offended by others being offended… Political correctness really bothers me. I don’t like being told what I’m allowed (or not allowed) to think. It’s not because I’m a rebel, nor is it because I’m a writer, but because I’m human. Whether its politics,…
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How a defective straw made my day…
We get so wrapped up in the craziness of life we often miss the little things. When you find some of those little things, life is so much better. I hadn’t been to McDonald’s in long time. Despite my better judgement, my kids convinced me to go. While waiting for the food to be brought…
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If You Hate Your Job, Find A New One!
If you love your job, you’re a rarity. If you’re not happy where you’re at, what are you doing to better yourself? Life is short. You deserve to be happy! We’ve all heard the saying “you only live once”, but have you ever really put much thought into it? We’re expected to work for more…
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Living as a Frugal Cheapskate
When you live paycheck to paycheck, living cheap is the only way to survive. Sometimes you have to get creative, but it’s not hard to do! There is no way around the fact that I’m poor. I have a job, but life has an odd way of seeing to it that I never get ahead.…
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A Fast Food Curiosity
This story isn’t really anything important. It’s just something I thought of while enjoying some fine dining recently. I was in Wendy’s restaurant a few days ago. I saw they had a dollar deal on fries. When I was at the counter I told the cashier I’d like an order of fries. She asked me…
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Everybody has an opinion…
I get interesting comments from people about my writing… Sometimes I get messages thanking me for what I write, but more often than not, I get messages from people who criticize what I’m writing about, specifically my articles related to mental illness. When someone has something negative to say, more often than not I don’t…
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Is Mental Illness Getting Worse?
While it may be just perception, it seems mental illness is getting worse in our society. It’s also possible mental illness is more identifiable now. Mental illness has been around forever, but I don’t remember it growing up. As a young child, I remember hearing a story once in a while about someone who took…
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When Crazy Drivers Drive You Crazy
It’s no secret drivers under the influence of alcohol or drugs cause numerous accidents and fatalities on our roadways, but there is another type of impairment not being addressed by government statistics—stupidity. Distracted driving (texting while driving, applying makeup, doing anything other than actually driving, etc.) is just as bad as driving drunk, but that’s…
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Election Day – A Time For Friendship (Not)
Oh election day… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… I’ve overheard so many conversations recently about “who are you going to vote for?”, which is usually followed by either “thank goodness” or “oh my God, why?”. I’ve watched the facial expressions of disbelief when someone disagrees with whoever is asking the…
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Parents Are Failing Our Schools
Public schools are plagued with problems, but many of the issues start at home. I may not have been in honors classes and advanced math courses when I graduated high school, but there were some things I was able to do. I knew how to read and count. I knew how to write my name…
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Words with Pizza - Featuring Marty the Pizza Guy 